


Dirt

by FrankieOlive



Category: Captain America
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:49:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieOlive/pseuds/FrankieOlive
Summary: Based on the inspiring art of Cassey Hidalgo that I would like to post here but I don't understand how.This fic is Bucky writing a letter to Steve in his head. He really wants Steve to be happy but he's also allowing himself to be a little bitter about the situation.





	Dirt

Years of holding your hand in the cold and I'm still waiting for you to get warm. She's beautiful, soul and all. You two could have kids and a real nice life. Bikes and ice cream in the park. She is happy, green, peaches and cream. She sees your warmth. A fire burns in you so hard that your touch almost hurts. You want so badly to live up to the body they gave you. I see you ache when Peggy looks your way. Your eyes get glassy and for once I become the kid looking for a fight. To get back at a world that won't give me a chance. I'll trade your smile for a faceful of dirt. Her hand or my blood. My habit started years after yours. 

Do you remember that dance when I ditched you? Remember you were real nervous to ask a girl and I said not to worry and that we would go together? You wore that old work shirt I dug up which was big enough to fit three of you and your shadow inside. You asked me if I thought any girl would want to dance with you and if there's any lie I would be happy to tell over and over it would be the reassuring yes I gave you in that moment. I clapped you on the back and watched you sway in the doorway with your arms out to hold an invisible girl. I watched you quietly scold yourself when you almost stepped on her imaginary toes. I felt my smile creep down into my body and I started to glow. I didn't know what it was but I knew I had to get closer or farther real quick. I told you I had gotten a last minute job that I couldn't turn down. I said I was real sorry and I promised to buy you something with some of the money I got from the job. I didn't wait to see your face, instead I ran out apologizing and praying. I went to the bar with that faded green awning. I pushed a drunk and let him beat me down. I glowed a little less with my face in the dirt. Warm and dry. The drunk tumbled down after he hit me. I smelled his whiskey on the rocks. Close enough to sin. He kept slurring "what do you want boy?!" and I just swung. I never wanted you to get hurt but I always understood why you wanted to fight. It just feels good to hit back sometimes. 

 

Stevie the things I want to tell you are turning me rotten. I'm an orange fresh on the outside and plague black in the center. Every glance is a sin, each thought a pound on the nail against my flesh. You're an ocean I never stop drowning in. I have nightmares where I'm sinking in sand. It always stays just above my nose so I can breathe but I can't speak or move. I can only wiggle and watch and hope. I wake up choking and look over to see hair in your face and that contented smile. You're dreaming of colors and food and her. Sometimes I dream that you and me are on a red see saw. And we just sit on it for hours transferring our weight back and forth. Sometimes one of us smiles. I don't know if there's anything after this life but I can only hope to do enough good to earn an eternity with you. I try not to step on bugs but it's hard with these boots they give us. I wonder if that's how g-d feels. Good intentions, big feet, and a bad reputation. 

She must have been some kind of magic in a past life with the way you look at her. Its hard to hide in that new big body but you do it well; all red and shy. The girl in the doorway isn't invisible anymore but youre still stepping on her feet while I make an excuse to run anywhere else. You're my forever in whatever that means. Next to me or a dance away. If you want her, she can have you in this life. And later if you want me, I'll take you in the next.


End file.
